Posts Written OnDecember 2012

So, here’s the thing. I’ve decided to stop blogging here. Not in a tantrum way, I promise. At the moment I’m working on some writing projects that I really love, and there isn’t enough space in my brain hole to blog as well. It’s not just the writing either, it’s the thinking of something new to talk about all the time. Honestly, I have enough trouble thinking of something to feed the kids every day. I have difficulty writing about the present (mostly because it’s so uninteresting) which means I perch on my chair and wonder which terrific anecdote from…

Gaz has a new car. As with most things, I will now use this as an excuse to be introspective and disproportionately emotional about something. He had his old car – the most disastrous 17-year-old Honda with 400,000km on the clock and paint peeling like sunburn and windows that scraped all the way up and down – when I met him six years ago. He was so pleased with himself for owning it: behold, its incredible level of shit! no one else has ever had a car as shit as this one! I am the most ironic car owner in…

ME [in bed]: Get out of bed everyone! KIDS: Okay! Here we go! Now our uniforms are on! ME [in bed]: Oh. Er. Feed the dogs! KIDS: Okay! We’ve done that! Yay! ME [still in bed]: Right! Well, I guess just watch TV or something? ME SLEEPS. FIFTEEN MINUTES PASS. ME FLIES OUT OF BED, CRYING. ME: We’re late! Quick! Why haven’t you got a banana in your lunch! Well find one! Your socks don’t match! The dogs don’t have any water! Why do I have to do everything! JUST GET IN THE CAR. KIDS: We want a new mother!…

In the immediate future, I will only be able to offer you brief summaries of what is going on in life. I read four Pulitzer-winning books this week and now everything I do is a waste of the internet, obviously. Tip: if you want to go on believing you’re good at something, don’t launch yourself into an intensive study of all the people who are much, much better at it than you are. My fingers are covered in bandaids because I’ve been typing on my typewriter¬†and what they don’t tell you about that is that your digits disappear between the…