Good cop, bad cop – Anna Spargo-Ryan

Good cop, bad cop

Good cop, bad cop

Last night we went out for dinner. We just went to the local pub, because that is “easy”, and by easy I mean the worst thing you can possibly do. Georgia was fine, albeit a little on the nose. Lily and I had this conversation:

ME:
Hey Lily, please don’t swing on your chair.

LILY:
[chair slips out from under her, she falls to the floor]
I wasn’t.

ME:
You literally just lied to my face while you were falling off your chair.

LILY:
Pretty sure I didn’t.

ME:
You can stand up for the rest of the meal unless you do two starjumps right now in front of all these people.

LILY:
No.

This went on for some time. When her dinner arrived, she scowled at it and told it that it wasn’t invited to her birthday party and then kicked me in the shins. I took her for some timeout on the terrace, but she just played with the big wheel and then later I got in trouble because she ran into the pokies area and didn’t even win a minor jackpot.

So, I realised something today while I was neglecting my responsibilities and eating Big Teds. My children have exactly the right amount of Good Behaviour for one child only. Sometimes it is shared between them and they are both only moderate jerks, but for the most part one of them is perfection and one of them is the bringer of hatred and scorn.

Obviously that’s usually Lily, because she is part Satan, but tonight it was Georgia.

ME:
Georgia, please tidy up your room.

GEORGIA:
Okay.
[seconds pass]
Mum, look at Oscar, he’s wearing a hat!

ME:
He isn’t. He doesn’t have a hat. Why aren’t you tidying your room?

GEORGIA:
I am.

ME:
No you’re not, you’re standing next to me in the loungeroom.

GEORGIA:
No I’m not.

ME:
We are both in the loungeroom right now having this conversation.

This went on for at least an hour. In the meantime, Lily did a load of her own washing, then a load of my washing, then unpacked the dishwasher and then made French toast. She actually sat us all down at the table and fed us eggy bread and bacon.

Has anyone else noticed this phenomenon? I’ve got to the point of watching one child follow instructions and then running whilst screaming from the other before she has a chance to even open her mouth.

 

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